The Mirror Lied
by teabags
Summary: Right from the very beginning he was Onodera Ritsu. Nobody, not a single soul was going to tell him otherwise. After a hurtful encounter with his past love Ritsu meets him just one last time and boy has his attitude changed. FTM!Ritsu must warn there be some disturbing and upsetting scenes in this story.
1. Broken

**The Mirror Lied**

**Chapter One**

He knew from the beginning. He was Onodera Ritsu and nothing or nobody was going to tell him otherwise.

No matter how hard his parents tried, his father much more understanding than his own mother. Whom kept him buckled up under lock and key in his bedroom during his years at middle school. It was always hard when the school sent him home for wearing trousers instead of a skirt that showed his slender soft thighs. The grimacing he used to make when the teachers found it a bother to call him under the name he wanted and the suffix "-kun" was all too much but a bother to them.

God and what a nightmare it was when he started his period which was rather early in-fact. He screamed in terror and his mother had to come in to help him clean up then explain what was happening to his body, she seemed so proud. Ritsu the opposite he despised it, the smell and the pain in his lower body it caused him to want to hurl. His mother branded him a tom boy but when Ritsu hit his teens cutting off his once long brown hair and bound his breasts that was when it started to become worrying. It became worse when his breasts got bigger and hips bloomed. But when he broke down his father managed to pull a few strings with the school thanks to his position. The term it's not what you know but who you know really did turn out to be very realistic in Onodera's case. Thankfully he was allowed to turn up in a male school uniform at his new high school and enrolled as a male student.

Of course Ritsu's mother wasn't happy her child was taking hormones. It had been a year and Ritsu wasn't passing that well, his voice dropped more and increase of hair was taking place. This pleased him, it really did but his body didn't. Nobody knew of his situation only the head master and a couple of the other higher-ups. He didn't need the bullying, the cruel name calling and threats like he'd previously received. For once Ritsu would just like one friend, only one. Why was that too much to ask for. He was so lonely apart from the various online forums he participated in he had no one.

Even down to the boys in his class Ritsu couldn't muster up a proper conversation with them. It was as if they didn't allow him in their circle he was still an outside to their male ring. P.E was a task but somehow he managed to get through it. Girls in his class were nicer to him he caught a couple of them staring at him from time to time. He remembered about a month ago a cute pig tailed girl privately asked him out but kindly let her down. Ritsu barely even knew her but when she didn't take no as an answer the girl tried lunging on to him and roughly pushing her away to the floor. He couldn't forgive himself but at the same time he didn't need the drama who knows what she may have done if she found out or felt something. Ritsu couldn't risk that.

The library was his release. Away from the chatter and squealing girls in the hallways. School work and his family, from a young age Ritsu had an interest in books. Not just because his father ran a publishing company in his name but Ritsu enjoyed reading them, cherished them and all the hard work that had gone into them. He liked stories he could recall his mother reading to him when he was very small it didn't matter what it was about he just loved to imagine and play the scenes out in his head.

But one day something was different. He couldn't reach for a particular novel, Ritsu cursed mentally about his short legs. He never seemed to grow that much he'd always been pretty small.

Making noises of strain under his breath Ritsu panicked when he stumbled back into something. Slightly glancing around he caught sight that he had bashed into someone. He turned bowing an apology and didn't even see the student reach to hand him the book.

"Here you go," A calm but mellow deep voice said.

He looked up to find a rather beautiful dark-haired young man before him. Standing quite close, he was tall and broad something Ritsu wished he could be. His eyes a glimmering hazel, seemingly gorgeous. A strange feeling stirred inside Ritsu something he never usually felt often or hadn't at all. He felt his cheeks burn and didn't understand all he did was pass him a book which he still hasn't taken yet.

Shakily Ritsu took it noticing their fingers brushed. Slowly taking his eyes from the novel and looking up at the taller tall he whispered a faint thank you then darted his gaze back to the ground.

It happened like that. Before Ritsu knew it he was absolutely besotted with the boy who was apparently called Saga Masamune. Ritsu followed up on all the previous books he'd been reading not to mention watched him from a far every on visit he made in the library. Never a day went by when he couldn't stop thinking about him. He changed his name to "Oda" in the end to prevent him finding out his real name and to stop it looking as creepy so he hoped.

Then there was one day when Ritsu had accidentally confessed to him. It happened when they went to grab the same book, their eyes locked and Ritsu jumped away instantly calling his name. Catching the taller teen's attention he wanted to know why he knew his name and all Ritsu could tell him was that he loved him. It felt incredible to confess but at the same time nerve wrecking. Surprisingly he didn't reject him and asked if he wanted to date.

They were dating but it didn't really feel as if they were. Saga-senpai barely said anything about their relationship; he made little conversation since he wasn't exactly a social butterfly. Ritsu was shy but did most of the talking anyway he was so glad he got to speak to him like this. They had small dates usually during break at school. They only went to Subway or the book store in town on their way home.

Ritsu knew Saga was keeping secrets. He wasn't happy and he could see that. He was suffering with depression and when Ritsu had tried giving his hand to help him he bit it and told him his love was disgusting.

It hurt like hell, Ritsu blamed himself but fought back for him when it rained that day he passed him a spare umbrella and freaked out when he tried holding his hand.

However one day come to Ritsu's belief his boyfriend invited him over to his house for the first time. Anxious Ritsu was doing well until he recognized his cat he rescued that was abandoned and sniffed at his bed. Saga didn't seem to mind so much though but when he went in to kiss Ritsu everything shattered.

"Is something wrong?" His voice was really gentle almost as soft as wool.

Ritsu bowed his head in defeat wanting to cry. He couldn't, he didn't want to go this far. But he loved Saga and if they were going to be together at some point or later he was going to have to show himself. All he could think of is that he wouldn't like what he saw though and if he rejects him.

"S-Senpai what.. What.. Are you doing?" He whispered.

Saga shifted his feet now a bit uncomfortable. "I thought you wanted to do this sort of stuff with me I mean why else would you be on my bed right now?"

Ritsu wanted to curl up and die. "I-I'm sorry.. I'm just.. I just really love you,"

The kiss was only light and soft but when he lectured him about wanting to kiss with tongue Ritsu could have cried and stupidly gaped when Saga's tongue came crashing through his lips. Their tongues churned around like a washing machine and wet moans filled the air.

It was nice all at the same time. Then once large slender hands dropped to his shirt Ritsu pushed him away.

"W-We can't" He uttered looking away with rosy cheeks.

Saga tilted his head like a puppy. "Why?"

Ritsu's response lacked and Masamune spoke once more. "If you're not ready, it's okay. We don't have to do anything so don't worry."

That wasn't the issue Ritsu actually did want to as embarrassing as the thought of sex was but it was revealing what he was. He loved him, he couldn't judge him and nodded instead.

"There.. There is something you need to know about me.. I-I don't want it to strain what we have.. U-Umm.." Ritsu could feel his gaze burning on to him as he began unbuttoning his baggy shirt. He dropped his shirt but didn't dare look at his boyfriend.

"T-This is what and who I am.. I hope you understand," He whispered.

"You're transgender?"

Sheepishly Ritsu nodded feeling alarmed as his heart raced.

He expected snorts and cruel comebacks but instead all Ritsu got was a soft pat on his head. Looking up his senpai had what looked like a faint smile on his lips and they met his shoulder which rode up to his neck leaving a small imprint of his love there. He allowed Ritsu to touch him too once he was shirtless, hands trailed up and down his strong muscular frame. He had everything he wanted other than his heart and soul. Ritsu enjoyed rubbing his hands up and down his flat chest and pancake stomach very much.

It was until he asked permission if it was okay to slip off his binder. Weakly Ritsu nodded and he slowly took it off while Saga helped him he put it aside then kissed Ritsu once more sweetly on the lips. Looking down at his breasts which were saggy and full of stretch marks from all the years of binding Ritsu met his eyes.

"Is it okay if-" Ritsu made a bold move and placed Saga's hand on one of them.

He was pleased when he got the nipple to harden. Ritsu had never actually masturbated or touched himself properly. He feared he would feel less of a man for doing so and it was as if he were touching someone else. He didn't like that. But with a little confidence and Saga here with him things felt okay.

"I feel safe with you," He said. "I-I'm letting you"

Course Ritsu was allowed to touch him too especially in various areas such as his throbbing member in his briefs. They kissed and felt each other there in his bed peacefully in bliss. Saga didn't frown or show much emotion whatsoever when Ritsu told him he wasn't allowed to penetrate him. Though he did let him slip a finger inside neither or them came and it was okay just to explore each other without sex taking place.

The younger teen cried there that night he was certain he misheard it when his boyfriend said he loved him. But he definitely heard him say his name, that was all he wanted. Someone who was there and accepted him. He held Saga back pressing a tender kiss upon his lips and drifted off into a deep sleep.

But that happiness didn't last for too long.

There was one day after school where Ritsu had happily cuddled up with his boyfriend Saga. He scooted away for a second to look down on him with such joy washing over his face. His bright eyes greener than grass. So beautiful as if he had swollen the sun and had the light shining through them directly at the older boy.

He swept a loose strand behind Saga's head and removed his bangs from his forehead that hid his dark brows. Ritsu preferred seeing his full face he hid it well beneath the hair and couldn't understand why. He relished the feel of it which related somewhere between silk and wool yet so perfectly thick.

He jumped lightly upon his lap both his small legs straddling Saga's lap and kissed the side of his neck gently. Ritsu lay crunched up there for sometime his boyfriend's response was usual silence but he wasn't that impassive as he would rustle the back of Ritsu's head.

Pulling away Ritsu clasped his shirt which was open revealing his breasts although he was still nervous he felt somewhat free around his senpai.

"Saga-senpai" He breathed biting his button lip. "I really, really love you."

Ritsu flustered at his own words but that didn't stop him, he was so happy.

"Do you love me? Senpai.. I-It's because you never say anything and I just wondered if you loved me back?"

Saga sighed looking away and removing his hand from Ritsu who's smiled worn off.

"S-Senpai?"

Ritsu never forgot the way his boyfriend turned away and brushed him off. He questioned further and further; never stopped pressing him until he got his answer which was a groan of anger.

"Stop being such a fucking _girl_ about this!"

That was the last straw.

Jumping off the bed Ritsu ignored all the soft apologies and pleas from Saga. He even tried stopping Ritsu by grabbing his arm but was met with a shockingly fierce slap across the face. He cried all the way home in the rain his heart-broken by the one person he thought would never judge him. His heart snapped in two and coated with iron steel over it.

Ritsu moved away to England for studying the rest of that year. Distant, miserable and promised himself one thing.

He would never fall in love ever again.


	2. Past To Present

**The Mirror Lied**

**Chapter Two**

Twenty-five year old Onodera Ritsu rubbed at his eyes when letting out a low groan. He'd done it again, slept at the desk of his laptop and fallen asleep.

"I really should stop doing this.." He muttered rubbing at his eyes.

It was broad daylight and approximately one in the afternoon so it said in the corner of his screen. Ritsu blinked miserably at the conversation he had previously forced himself to stay awake for and closed it after one last skim. He hadn't replied, yet again.

Onodera had been chatting in different forums and online dating websites. It wasn't easy being transgender and looking for a relationship but he wasn't exactly confident when it came to men. He had literally no luck at all, things had gone from bad to worse in his life. Still at the same publishing company that belonged to his father, still hiding away under a binder and crying endlessly at night.

Stepping into the bathroom Ritsu took one of the many pills out the packet and swallowed with a glass of water. He was also on antidepressants; his parents had no idea he had prescribed them but Ritsu preferred it that way. It wasn't as if his mother would care much anyway, his father maybe a little more so. After coming back from studying abroad Ritsu was actually surprised they even let him work as an editor there at Onodera Publishing.

No one really suspected anything, in-fact most of the people he worked with were very nice although some had the green eye knowing Ritsu was the owner's son and figured he was just the golden boy given the place freely and all the best authors. That wasn't true, Ritsu worked just as hard as everyone else. All he had ever wanted to be in his life was like everyone else and treated equally; it was bad enough he had to deal with that there too. No one really said anything, not yet anyway.

Stepping into the shower he began to cry. Tears mingling with the water; it was just another day. Another dull lonely weekend, he did have friends only work friends but nobody knew. They wouldn't understand or so he thought.

After finishing up he dried himself off and stepped into a clean pair of boxers then strapped his binder around his torso. Ritsu gave himself that same look in the mirror, the same exact one he'd been giving himself for the past ten years. _"Who would ever want this?"_

That was what he thought but always the answer from his lips remained the same. "Nobody"

He heard the light vibrating of his phone on his nightstand. Swiftly turning to his as he tried off his hair Ritsu took it although frowning at the unknown number he let it ring out. A text came immediately anyway, taking a seat on the edge of his bed Ritsu scanned the message and it seemed he had given his digits out randomly a night ago.

"Oh great," He mumbled. _"I wonder what strange weirdos I've attracted from the internet.. I should really stop using those websites, it's hopeless."_

Looking through it a man two years older than himself was interested in getting to know him by chatting and grabbing a latte at Starbucks. Ritsu grimaced, he wasn't really that big on coffee houses though he didn't mind coffee too much but it was such a hassle. He didn't like crowded busy places; he recalled being asked his name and what topping along with piles of other questions the last time he went there. Ritsu was never good when it came to ordering, asking or any type of socializing. If he was truly honest Ritsu hated talking but he had to get over it and get out into the real world to meet people.

Sighing he lay on his back glaring at the message again. He didn't know what he should put, instead he ignored it. It wasn't the first time he had met up with a complete stranger, once he was actually making some progress with one man and he seemed really lovely. Problem was that he was married and was after an affair which instantly put Ritsu off as if he was going to play the side line daddy then came and go only when he was wanted. No, he wanted a full relationship that included everything the whole package. Ritsu knew he said he would never fall in love again but he wanted to try once again.

His father had tried setting him up with a woman at their company now his father knew he didn't care much for the ladies. Still he didn't listen and tried bagging Ritsu off on to a sweet girl who worked under him and was in-fact the daughter of one of his close colleagues. She was a beautiful woman, long wavy auburn hair similar to his own. Large brown eyes, prim figure and delicate features. Even if Ritsu was straight he felt out of her league, he wasn't anything special in his own eyes and he doubted that she knew he was transgender unless his father told her already. Though Ritsu felt it was insensitive of him completely ignoring what he wanted and it was very unfair on her as Ritsu could only imagine she wanted a future that Ritsu could not give her.

As for his mother who was to this day trying to "convert" her only child. It was every once in a while he went back to the family house, his mother offered to take him shopping. The last time he went with her she had dragged him into the department stores picking out things she thought may look nice and that it could work if he tried harder. Ritsu became teary eyed when they began bickering and noticing the unwanted attention they were getting off other women. Especially when a clerk approached them asking if they needed any help and Ritsu's mother bluntly said that her _daughter_ needed help with her tom boy image.

It was cruel, Ritsu stormed out and left the department store for the train station. All the way home he ignored her phone calls and the endless evil text messages she went. They didn't take then for a number of months, until Christmas time when he had to meet up with his parents to discuss business. Even when the conversation was light and uplifting Ritsu could always feel his mother's eyes on him; eyeing him from the ground upwards.

Ritsu knew his parents did not love each other as much as they had. Partly the reason was because of him and the company, it was always the company his father chose and his mother nagged him for it. Then she would drag Ritsu into it bawling that she _"wished her little girl would stop messing around and be serious about her life." _

He was no longer a child, his mother couldn't lock him up anymore or force him to wear what she wanted. He was a grown man, twenty-five years old and could lead a better life without her. Ritsu had a love-hate attitude with his mother, he still cared for her but she didn't understand. It was as if she did not want to believe it, even after all these years.

Ritsu went to Lawsons in the end then spent the rest of his day reading and cleaning. Weekends were usually always this quiet and relaxed, he caught up with his work too at a leisurely pace then had dinner. He'd checked his phone seeing that he had numerous texts from his father knowing they had this upcoming event soon which involved dressing up. God, how he was dreading it before it even began. It was hard work impressing the authors and dealing with mindless chatter. All he wanted was to go home, bath and sleep. He remembered the last time and how difficult it was to press Usami Akihiko's buttons, the man was polite but Ritsu could see through him and knew very much he would rather be elsewhere too.

"This guy.." He read the latest message and he was being bothered yet again by the same person. Ritsu then switched his phone off for the rest of the night after that and resorted to bed after a couple of pages from his new book.

* * *

During that week Ritsu stopped by at the library after work. It had been just like any other day nothing unusual and nothing exciting. His back ached from the binder, if he wore it too long he felt sore and achy. He took out some of the books from his satchel and slipped them into the return box. He liked this library because they had a lot of books you couldn't get in stores. It was always peaceful at this time of the evening, the rush hour was over and it was settling down time. The droning of cars from the inner city mixed with the chilly whistles in the wind. Looking up he noticed it was a full moon tonight; but the sky was clear and the stars were out. You couldn't see as many in Tokyo but right now there was a handful of them.

He spent that long gazing at the sky he hadn't heard the muffling footsteps that neared. A tall man head to down in black, jet black hair and pale skin kindly asked him if he could just get past to return his books. Ritsu jumped and stumbled back realizing how jumpy he was he blabbed a stuttering apology.

"I'm s-sorry! I didn't see you there,"

"It's fine," said the stranger.

"I was in a world of my own, do excuse me now." Ritsu waved off with a short cackle.

As he turned to leave he ended up dropping his keys out his open pocket hearing the brief 'clink' of them dropping to the ground he didn't get there fast enough as the man he had just met picked them up.

"You ought to be more careful," He said blandly passing them over to Ritsu who took them blushing.

"I'm such a pain," Ritsu sighed aloud. "I think it's the tiredness kicking in, after spending all day at an editing department and coming here to drop my books off though I must say this place is great especially since they have a lot more choice compared to the stores!"

He wasn't much of a social butterfly, but it came naturally when he spoke about his work or novels. Ritsu enjoyed chatting about books, anything to do with reading, writing or literature he was immediately open for a small chat. Anything to do with his personal life and matters, that was a no no.

"You come here for the same reason too I see.."

"Yes, it's a brilliant place and one of the best libraries in Tokyo, are you a new comer?"

He shook his head. "I've come here for a while,"

"I see, well-" Ritsu looked around awkwardly knowing their conversation was coming to a close. "It's nice talking to you, thank you for your time."

Giving a small wave Ritsu began on his way. He couldn't help but smile to himself he felt so proud he had managed to make a bit of small talk with a stranger, it felt good and it made his confidence boost. When you're stuck in a rut at work speaking to the same people and your authors you become adjusted to only that it was more like a routine. Anything else was foreign, it felt weird for him to talk to someone other.

He hadn't looked properly where he was going and with his head in the clouds Ritsu was battered by the stairs which he came tumbling down. It hurt, his ankle was throbbing it felt as if he bad been bludgeoned with a mallet. Wincing and whining he stiffly pulled himself up on to his knees which was a wrong move as he took the wrong turn suddenly and twisted it only causing more pain for himself.

_"Ow.."_

Two feet were now at his side Ritsu looked up half way seeing that it was the man again. He held out a gloved hand for Ritsu to take in which he did; standing up was a task as he balanced himself against the steps railing to adjust himself. The stranger passed over his bag that had fallen with him, Ritsu gave him his thanks but once he tried walking that was a different story altogether.

He couldn't walk, his ankle was twisted. Ritsu galloped and nearly fell once more luckily this time he was caught.

"Sorry.. I-I think I've.. I think I've twisted my ankle.. I'm so clumsy.." He muttered.

Hopping back against the rail Ritsu held his hands out in defense. "You.. You have already done so much I'll be okay-"

"Where do you live? Let me walk you back at least, you obviously can't walk alone."

"I'll be okay, I'll get a taxi-"

"You'll be limping to the main road for the rest of the night, just allow me.""

Ritsu took his offer and while the man helped him he gave him the directions come funnily enough it was such a shock when they arrived at the apartment complex that the stranger told him he also lived there. How unbelievably, discomforting.

"What a surprise huh.."

The man didn't say anything even though he thought it was bizarre as well. What was shocking was that the two lived on the exact same floor right next to each other apparently.

"Y-You're my neighbor?!"

"Seems so.."

"D-Did you know or-" Ritsu asked though he mentally cursed at how stupid that sounded.

"I had no idea until now, well, I guess that makes this matter easier.. Do you need any help?"

For the first time properly Ritsu looked up at him and he definitely made his heart leap, nearly almost out his throat. He was handsome, definitely in his late twenties and those hazel eyes. Squinting Ritsu was certain they may had met somewhere before, he didn't know where exactly but even so his neighbor was a beautiful man. It almost made him envious, Ritsu wished how he were more manlier and bulkier instead he had been cursed with a baby face and a limp figure.

His senses came back to him once he realized he was gawping Ritsu released a nervous laugh batting his hands around, he only ever did this if he was truly anxious which was now.

"N-No! I'll be okay thank you very much for your help I appreciate it,"

"Are you sure? Make sure you get some ice on that otherwise it'll swell."

"Ice.. Ice.. Right.. I will!"

He was certain he saw man's brow falter in the corner of his eyes as if he didn't take his word quite seriously but he could manage. Inside now alone Ritsu threw the pack frozen mochi from New Year on his ankle then opted for a bath, sitting there in the water he could still feel the heat rise to his cheeks. It had been a very long day but the moments with his next door neighbor flew into his mind. Ritsu was positive he knew him, god knows where they could have passed in public or been on the same train together during rush hour at some point.

His eyes, when they met his own instantly there was something. Ritsu leaned back and allowed himself to sink deeper into the water, he ran his hands along his legs and rode up to his aching breasts after another day of concealing them. He got ready for bed after his bath and slipped under the covers, shutting the light off he didn't sleep well that night. If wasn't so much the throbbing in his sore ankle but the hazel eyes, even when he fell asleep in his dreams they questioned him with a look of _"I know you, but how?"_ and it haunted him till dawn.

* * *

A couple of days later Ritsu was leaving for work that morning and just as he churned the key in his door out came his neighbor too. It was funny how they had never met before though they had different jobs and schedules but still he thought it was odd that not even once they had come in contact.

Seeing him brought a smile to Ritsu's face and as usual the other man remained just as impassive as last time.

"Good morning," He said brightly.

However instead of greeting him, his neighbor gave a brief nod of his head. Ritsu's smile died a little thinking that maybe hid enthusiastic attitude may had bothered the man and that he could be having a bad start to the day. He wasn't going to say anything else but was stopped in his tracks when he asked "How's the ankle doing?"

"Oh it's still really painful but I've rested well and so far I can walk around better than I could the past few days so you could it's an improvement."

His neighbor nodded again in understanding Ritsu watched as he locked his door whether their conversation was still on going was anyone's guess. Ritsu pushed for the lift and the pair were going down together in silence.

"So-"

"Yes?" Ritsu turned his head to him.

"You say you're an editor huh?"

"I-I did?" He didn't remember doing so.

"Yeah, the night you busted your ankle, what do you edit?"

"Well-" That had him smiling being asked about his work. "I edit literature actually, I work for Onodera publishing I started around a year ago now."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"It has its ups and downs like every job but if I have to give you an honest opinion then yes, I enjoy my work."

The man held his head higher, Ritsu glanced at him watching his eyes wander elsewhere showing he was really deep in thought for some odd reason.

"What about yourself?"

The doors opened and the two left the complex. Even though they barely knew each other Ritsu hadn't even noticed they were walking all the way to the train station together completely and utterly lost in conversation. As quiet and reserved as the man was, he didn't seem to mind Ritsu's chatter and company. His expression never showed it but Ritsu could tell he was comfortable. Finally, somebody he could talk to at last.

"Have you always wanted to work with Shoujo Manga?

"No," He answered bluntly. "Most people don't get their dream job, that is just the way the world works."

Ritsu gave a "mmm" in agreement after all he wasn't wrong. He never mentioned that his father owned a famous company nor did he tell him how he was practically handed the job on a platter too. It was bad enough certain people reckoned he was "riding his father's coattails" and he didn't want to make a bad impression now either. Too many people saw it that way when however all Ritsu wanted was to be ordinary.

"But you like it right?"

The man's smile caught him off guard although he tried hiding it when he went to scratch the side of his nose, hand blocking its pretty view.

"When there is no need to light a match under my authors asses and things go according to plan for a change I suppose it's manageable."

Ritsu let out a rather high giggle sounding almost a bit too high for his own liking and it certainly got the other's attention. Coughing, he rubbed at his throat smiling silly still.

"Shoujo manga sounds-"

"Unruly? I promise you I'm not lying."

"I'm sure it isn't that bad,"

"If you worked for me you'd understand."

Feeling his cheek heat Ritsu looked at him with owlish eyes surely he couldn't be serious. "Ah.. Um.. I'm not exactly fit for the role of a shoujo manga editor unfortunately, apologies."

"Course, not even _you_ would get it." It sounded sarcastic but Ritsu brushed it off lightly, he had no interest really in the genre and wasn't swapping over anytime soon.

As the train pulled up Ritsu waited for the dozens of people leaving the platform once it was clear he took the wrong turn and staggered nearly falling over on the floor. He was caught by his neighbor luckily and pulled back up to his balance. People were still loading on to the train, quickly giving him a glance Ritsu thanked him and limped over.

The doors slid shut and it was a tight squeeze but he'd be okay. It wasn't the first time he squished on to a train like a pack of sardies; the train began moving and Ritsu found the man still staring at him among the crowd. Whether he was waiting for his own or seeing him off was another thing. Shyly he turned away from the door's window, pulled out his phone and pretended to text.

Bitterly he wrote _'stupid ankle'_ into his memo, what a morning.

* * *

During lunch Ritsu decided to catch up on some extra work, his colleague Saeki-san had been pestering him to go out with drinks with her for sometime now. It wasn't like he had anything against her; she was a friendly person. But he knew the hints, she was interested and he however was not.

"Ri-chan!" She sang. "Want to go out for drinks tonight?"

And before he could even get a word in edge ways she mocked him. "No I'm busy, sorry!"

Ritsu balled his eyes at her. "Oh Ri-chan you never want to go out anymore, was it something I did? Did I offend you when I was drunk? I'm so sorry if I did!"

"No, you didn't, silly don't worry."

She never offended him only his personal space as Saeki-san got too close when she was drunk and extremely flirtatious. The last time they had gone out for a 'quick drink' had turned into hours. Ritsu recalled being tipsy but nowhere near as hammered as Saeki-san who somehow was glued to his side by the end of the night, she had gone from talking to whispering huskily in his ear; her hot breath tingling his ear drum. Thinking about it still made him shudder, she smelled lovely that evening too. The heat between them was rising, her hand wandering on his torso but she never got far enough to have a good grope. Ritsu never mentioned anything, it was probably better he didn't saving both themselves the embarrassment.

"Nhh.. Why do you have to be so busy nowadays.. Do you have a_ girlfriend_?"

Nearly choking on his coffee he abruptly shook his head. "N-No!"

"I bet you do.." She pressed.

"I don't!"

"Then you have someone you like, ne?"

"No.. S-Saeki-san! I haven't got a girlfriend nor do I like anyone right now, I-I'm too busy for that sort of thing!"

Ritsu looked around seeing there were other co-workers who could hear their bickering. She also noticed this too, Ritsu frowned at her and Saeki-san playfully slapped his shoulder.

"So-" She began once more. "How's your ankle doing? I see you're walking better! Still you're kinda wobbly on your feet,"

"Oh great, so I walk funny now?"

"A little, it's not so noticeable as much but it's understandable because you were injured-" She sighed. "You're okay now though, right?"

Out of all the people he worked with Saeki was always the one who was concerned about him, who didn't care that he was the only son to Onodera Publishing and made an effort to get to know him. She was such a lovely girl, Ritsu hoped she ended up with the right man.

"Yeah but it was just really embarrassing you know.."

"Hm?"

"Don't tell anyone about this.. But I found it really weird how when I fell outside the library this man who turned out to be my next door neighbor picked me up and walked me all the way home.."

"E-Eh?!" She screeched.

"D-Don't be so loud Saeki-san!" Ritsu hissed wavering his hands around panicky.

"Do you.. Do you even know him?"

"That's the thing! I don't, he just walked me home and we lived next door, you don't think he's a stalker do you?"

"Why would I think he's a stalker, it could just be a coincidence?"

"Well, I found out he's also an editor at Marukawa, we chat and our interests are so similar I just thought.. It feels so weird.."

"He works over at Marukawa publishing?! What is his name?! I have a girlfriend who really, _re-ally_ likes this guy in the Shoujo manga department and he's really short and cute-"

Ritsu's eyes widened at the mentioning of Emerald. "H-He also works with Shoujo manga.. But he is nowhere near short.. He's really tall, dark-hair, he had glasses on this morning but last time-"

"Oh! I know who you're talking about! You mean Takano-san?"

"Takano-san?" Ritsu repeated arching up an eyebrow.

"You never got his name at least?" she didn't sound too impressed for some reason.

So that was his name.

"No.. I didn't ask-"

"Why?"

"It isn't really any of my business, besides it isn't as if we are even acquaintances, we're only neighbors so it isn't important." Ritsu shrugged though he did wish he could talk to the man some more at least.

Saeki eyed him up with her beady eyes. "I don't believe you"

"What?"

"I think you want to know more about him but you're just being too shy about it."

How she always managed to read his mind made Ritsu wonder. "I-I don't!"

"You're even stuttering, Ri-chan please don't give me piss poor excuses, I've known you like men for a while now." Her lips twinged seeing Ritsu got beetroot red in the face although she did quieten her tone at the last part for her sentence.

"N-No-"

"You're gay, I know that."

"Then why did you ask me if I have a girlfriend?!" He hissed finally giving up arguing with her.

Just then she chuckled with a mixture of snorts and splutters. "Cos I _love_ getting a reaction out of you! It's funny, I like seeing my Ri-chan all flustered and jumpy!"

"Saeki-san you're unbelievable.."

"I've known for ages, you don't need to hide from me and I know that last time we went for drinks I came on to you but-" She held out her hands in defense. "I didn't mean to! You were all pretty, I was horny, no biggie it won't happen again I promise!"

Ritsu couldn't help but smile, goodness the girl could be so shameless but he liked that about her. Saeki didn't care, she wasn't afraid to say what was on her mind.

"You're smiling-" Saeki purred. "So, be honest do you want to get to know him more?"

Coyly he looked up at her from his lap and bit his lip before saying "And.. what if I do?"

* * *

A couple of weeks flew by and Ritsu had continued to bump into Takano-san in the morning. They had exchanged names, Ritsu pretended to know nothing and played along as if it was the first time he'd heard his full name.

Takano Masamune was a humble man. He was quiet, reserved but clever. He was the head chief of the shoujo manga editing department, they told each other stories about their work and it seemed as if Takano was a natural-born leader. The man knew what he wanted, how he wanted it and especially careful with what he was doing. Course, he bitched and whined about his authors delaying the manuscript or slagging off the printers Ritsu found him entertaining now they knew more about one another.

It was strange how they began spending time with each other, one evening watching a movie at Takano's place and another at Onodera's. It turned into a usual thing, but if they were both busy weekends were the best bet since they were off work unless Takano was buried in work. Ritsu knew about the "cycle" and even when Takano was dead on his feet looking like he was fit to drop he would still spend time with Ritsu.

"But you're busy! You don't have to honestly it's fine just-"

"Nah, I've got it covered stop being so damn whiny and come over."

The strangest thing of all was that the man who Ritsu had once spoken to and had none-stop pestered him by text no longer bugged him. There was no more text messages, no more emails or IM pop-ups. Also Ritsu hadn't found himself going on forums or dating websites either, now that he was chatting with Takano the emptiness was being slowly fulfilled. Besides Saeki-san, he had a friend and wasn't planning on letting him go anytime soon.

"Thank you," Ritsu said taking the cup of coffee.

"I'll be done soon, put on whatever I don't mind-"

Takano was nearly done with his work, he had invited Ritsu over for yet another film. They enjoyed these evenings, it gave the pair a break and the company was good for both. Giddily Ritsu fired up his laptop and began skimming the web for the latest movies out, he didn't mind paying, that wasn't so much the problem it was choosing and he always had to base it on the summary and reviews because there was a lot of interesting ones out right now making it harder for him to pick.

"What about this one 'Nuigurumaa Z' they have Shoko Nakagawa in this!"

"Is that the one based on Kabuki?"

"Yes, I think so-"

_"No"_ Takano shook his head while ringing parts of the manuscript in red. "Another,"

"Black Butler with Kentaro Otani-"

"I already _work_ with manga, I don't feel like watching that shit while I'm off duty too- give a guy a break."

"But it's live action? I don't even know what it is anyway.." Ritsu muttered with an eye roll.

"There is Kiki's deli-"

Swiftly and quickly Takano slid on his rear away from his side of the table to Ritsu. He pushed up behind him, Ritsu tensed at the hotness of his breath beating against his cheek making it tingle. Just like Saeki-san had done but only this time Ritsu found that he liked having Takano this close to him, he felt different.

"You have crappy taste."

"T-Then why doesn't Takano-san pick!"

"No, this is your job, you have to choose and make sure it's good enough to impress me."

Ritsu twitched at the smugness in his voice. "J-Just go back to work!"

"I will, don't disappoint me now."

He knew he was teasing him, he always did it. Takano went back to his manuscript and Ritsu continued browsing the new releases. But then something changed when the older man broke the silence.

"You know, I haven't been to a movie theater since high school."

"You haven't?"

"Nope"

"Ah, I don't usually go either."

"Everything fell to shit really when I was in school, fucking hated it." Ritsu could tell he was irritated by the harsh way he flipped over to the next page.

"Why?" Ritsu caught the way he glared at him. "Sorry, you don't have to tell me, ignore me."

"Just-" He threw down his marker. "It was the year everything fell apart"

"I didn't like high school much either, I remember I was in the library a lot then too I always preferred quiet areas over the busy school yard." Ritsu cringed remembering his youth, how he had to hide, move schools and avoid people from finding out the truth.

"You did too?" Takano looked surprised. "So did I, but when my parents were getting a divorce, I moved not long after and I had this stalker in the library-"  
Now this felt familiar.

"-always following me around, writing their name in the books I read it was-"

Ritsu droned him out after that his throat became tight when a lump formed at the back of it. He suddenly became shaky and his heart was racing like crazy.

"You say your parents got a divorce?"

"Yeah,"

"So you weren't always called Takano?"

"No? It was Saga but-"

That was all Ritsu needed to hear before he shot up, collected his laptop and claimed he didn't feel well. Takano protested, asking if he said something wrong and if he could help.

"I-I'll be okay I've been feeling off all day I think it's a 24 hour bug thing I-I just need to lie down," He lied.

"You were fine a minute ago?"

"I-I know but.. No.. I-I'm sorry!"

Ritsu fled out the apartment and into his own. He felt sick to the pit of his gut, he couldn't believe it. Takano was _him_ that boy from all those years ago who was now a man. The boy he lost his innocence to, his virginity almost and made him feel dirty.

_"Why him? Why did it have to be him?!"_

He thought he looked a little familiar mostly his hazel eyes but he never expected to bump into his ex-boyfriend and befriend him after what had happened. If Ritsu could guess he did not think people like Saga or Takano ever changed, their state of mind remained ignorant and he didn't want to know. As much fun as he had with Takano, he no longer wanted to see him, laugh with him.

Tearfully under his covers Ritsu did not bother to change out of his binder and clothes. He was distraught, it hurt like hell back then and it hurt just the same now. Brokenly he flickered his eyes over to his phone, lighting up the room while it played its happy ring-tone which didn't help at all.

It rang twice and just when he thought it had stopped he got a text. Ritsu wasn't going to read it at first but he ended up doing so anyway.

_"Are you okay? If you need anything, I'm next door, rest well."_

He didn't care and he didn't need him.

Angrily not caring how much it would be to replace his Iphone 5 Ritsu launched it at the wall hearing it smack and clatter to the floor. He pulled the covers over his head further and bawled his eyes out. The worst part was, history was repeating its self again. He had found himself becoming smitten with Takano lately from all the time they had spent together.

_"Stop being such a fucking girl about this!"_

_"Stop being such a fucking girl about this!"_

_"Stop being such a fucking girl about this!"_

"I'm not a girl, I'm_ not_ a girl!" He muttered into his damp pillow.

_"So fuck you Takano Masamune"_


	3. The Truth

**The Mirror Lied**

**Chapter Three**

Life went on as usual without Takano Masamune. He ignored his calls, he took no notice of his persistent knocking on the door and avoided him best as he could in the morning. Although he had caught him in the train station around a week ago Takano had called after him but it was too late as Ritsu pretended he didn't hear and boarded quickly on the train. There was this brief feeling that it was pretty easy to tell Ritsu was trying to do a runner away from him, he prayed he wouldn't see him again and that he would give up on pestering him.

It was friday night and it looked like Takano wasn't in since his lights were off. Ritsu breathed a sigh of relief, he was off the hook thankfully. He had a quick ready meal, caught up on last-minute work and then stripped down to have a nice hot bath. He knew he shouldn't but he always kept his phone close to him, he heard it vibrate on the hamper beside the sink. He'd read it when he got out; Ritsu pulled a face seeing the large crack on its screen and sunk deeper in the water. It could only be Takano-san, he didn't understand why he wanted his attention so much, they were sort of friends and friends drifted away all the time.

_"Let it be Takano, you hurt me once and hell you're not going to do it again."_

Ritsu sloppily grabbed his flannel slapping it on to his legs running it from his ankle to the top of his thigh. Course, he had to wash down 'there' at least. He couldn't stand touching himself, Ritsu didn't feel the vagina in-between his legs belonged to him. He rushed it and slammed his thighs closed then washed under his arms and neck.

_"Why do I have to feel like this? Why do you always make me feel.. like this?"_

After finishing his bath Ritsu dried off and wrapped a towel around his waist. He felt dehydrated, needing a glass of water and almost forgot his phone in the process of getting a drink.

**_"Still on for that coffee at Starbucks? I'll buy you that pumpkin spiced latte you mentioned you like."_**

He grimaced at the text and angrily wrote back a reply being _"Go away"_ which made him feel slightly guilty but he was sick of men hassling him. Ritsu just wanted the world to stop for a good moment or two, just so he could properly think without cracking up or bursting into a fountain of tears. He didn't know what he really wanted which was on one hand to be loved then on another to be left alone feared of rejection.  
_"But if I don't take the first step then I'll never get anywhere, even if he hurts me again-"_ He took a shuddered shaky breath and slowly exhaled before sipping his drink. _"Maybe he has changed? M-Maybe he won't care.. But then who says he'd fall in love with me again? It isn't as if we have to date.. We could just be friends."_

Ritsu contemplated on contacting Takano for the rest of the weekend in-fact he had actually grown a pair enough to go to his front door but just before he knocked that sinking feeling ate him up once more and returned back to his apartment.

* * *

The texts and phone calls from Takano died down then stopped all at once. He fiddled his thumbs at work during lunch break, eyeing up his cracked phone (also knowing he should get it repaired soon before it busted completely) and fingered the man's contact. Even Saeki-san noticed however she didn't mention anything but give him a sympathetic smile knowing something wasn't right and bought back Ritsu a delicious Anpan* cake after she'd nipped out to the shop.

There was also that one voice mail from his mother asking if he wanted to come to dinner this Sunday to 'catch up'. Ritsu snorted under his breath, he mentally noted to politely decline that request when he got home later. It was no 'catching up' instead a mouthful of abuse and lectures while his father sat back too chicken shit to stand up to his wife. But yet, he would fight and bawl with her when it came to the company.

"Is everything okay?"

Carefully he met her eyes beside him Ritsu smiled but they both knew it was false.

"Don't force yourself-" She said. "Something has happened hasn't it?"

"It's nothing big just.."

"Just what?"

He really wanted to tell Saeki the truth, the whole damn truth. Who he was, what was underneath and the past. Ritsu feared what she would say and if even they remained friends then after that. Since, Saeki came on to him Ritsu knew she may feel uncomfortable around him since he wasn't really, well, fully male. But he was male, Ritsu was a grown man and was sick of hiding so why did he keep doing it to people who tried to let him in.

He ignored her question and after work Ritsu offered to buy dinner for her to which she squealed excitedly. They ended up somewhere not too far from the company, it was nice and not too expensive.

"Want to try some of mine?" Saeki gestured her chopsticks to her food but Ritsu kindly said no.

"It's been ages since I've gone out to dinner, properly-" Seeing the funny way Saeki-san looked at him made him self-conscious. "W-With a friend!"

"You need to get out more Ri-chan, you know I'm always happy to have you company! You just seem.. so introverted and even lonely sometimes, why is that?"

Ritsu chewed nervously on his meat and swallowed.

"Hm?"

"What are you hiding from me Onodera?" The use of his family name hit him sharp, even her eyes were sharp but concerned obviously. "You can tell me anything you know, I'll never judge you, you're my_ friend_."

Ritsu dropped his utensils and clenched his hands into tight balls underneath the table on his lap. He was terrified, yet he wanted to let her know, if he got this over and done with there would be no more hiding from her. She seems understanding, also Saeki-san said she wouldn't judge him but that could just be a nice way to lead him out of his shell before laughing right in his face.

"How do you always r-read my mind like that?" Ritsu huffed.

"So there is something then? Is it to do with Takano-san?"

Shyly he nodded. "Partly, b-but that isn't- no it's everything to do with him-"

"Actually, you don't have to tell me, I apologize I shouldn't bully you into telling me anything you don't want to-" She smiled gently at him. "Let's just enjoy the rest of the evening! Oh! Lets get some desert too, earlier I saw the banoffee pie on the menu! It looks delicious! You like lemon cake right? I'm sure they have that as-well."

"Saeki-san" Ritsu called her name in a timid voice, almost sounding feminine, she instantly looked back at him.

"Mm?"

"Thank you for being my friend,"

At that moment he became teary-eyed and cried there in the middle of eating. Saeki-san had to lean across to wrap her arms around his neck and humor him to stop crying because 'everything was going to be okay'. Ritsu wished everything was okay, but Saeki-san was always in her own world where everything was dandy sugar and candy.

In the end he decided not to tell her. It wasn't the right time, the scenery and atmosphere didn't feel comfortable. She understood, though she acted like she forgot but Ritsu knew she hadn't but she never mentioned anything after that.

* * *

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon in which left Ritsu nervously waiting at a booth table in the corner of Starbucks with a latte. He was supposed to be on a 'meet-up' with the man who had constantly been pecking his head in for the past fortnight.

It wasn't the first time he'd done this, still that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to be anxious meeting someone off this internet like this. Other people would be on his case telling him that it was dangerous and stupid to be meeting a man who didn't even have a picture of himself on his profile. Then, nor did Ritsu whom only had a picture of a cat with glasses on in a little tuxedo. Bored, he looked at the picture, Ritsu loved cats it was a shame they didn't like him back though. He actually never even liked cats before he met Saga also known now as Takano Masamune who had that small kitten.

That had Ritsu thinking whether he still had the cat but it was well over ten years now surely it was very old or gone at the most. It was a nice cat, black and white with wide golden eyes that loved to nibble on your fingers a lot. But he could not remember its name only that it was black, white and a tom.

_"He's late"_

However, now that wasn't exactly a bad thing Ritsu was glad he was late that way he could collect up his nerves before he exploded. Then again he hoped he didn't show up so he could go home. Sadly, he felt his phone vibrate and the text message made his throat swell.

**_"Where are you? I'm already here,"_**

Ritsu peered behind his phone and looked over at the queue from a far slowly piling up with more people.

_"NO!"_

There in-front of two giggling teenage girls was the person he had avoided for the past god knows how many weeks now. He couldn't believe it, Takano was here. However, it may just be that he came here often and had some free time to kill but it was awfully fishy how he was pattering away on his phone only to then receive another message.

**_"You are at the Starbucks near the station, right? Answer, because I'm about to order."_**

Ritsu rolled his eyes, only Takano could be that pushy. He had to respond though, he found himself replying gradually, one character at a time.

_**"I'm here"**_

He watched as Takano typed back immediately. **_"Where?"_**

He could leave now, all he had to do was run out the door and never see him again. Curses, how on earth did the man he'd been speaking to online turn out to be Takano.

Too lost in his own thoughts he hated how quick the barristers were behind the counter today. Usually, they were slow as anything when you waited but now that Ritsu was in such a panic Takano had to be served his drink super quickly.

Slowly Ritsu slipped out of the booth, grabbing his bag and throwing it over his shoulder however he had already been spotted.

"Onodera?"

Gradually he turned seeing Takano standing on his left looking wide eyed at him. He probably couldn't believe it either, fate was stringing them both together. It was so cruel, Ritsu didn't understand what he did to deserve this.

"Oh.. Hello Takano-san," He never looked at him instead at his sneakers and gave a small wave.

"You're here too?"

Well, duh.

"Yes, I was just leaving so-"

"You haven't by any chance been waiting for anybody, have you?"

"No, I was just here to read, I'll be on my way now."

"Liar"

Ritsu gave him such a frown. "Excuse me?"

"You're a liar, it was you wasn't it I've talked to? I figured it out ages ago anyway-"

He so wanted the ground to eat him up, his face was burning bright red now that he'd been found out.

"W-Whatever-"

"Let that be a lesson for leaving your phone hanging around, I mean I was surprised too at first but how else would I contact you? Knowing you'd shut me out."

"I never.. I never shut you out okay.."

"Then lets chat."

It wasn't the best road to a conversation, Takano-san acting as if nothing happened between them both and Ritsu just desperately trying to leave. Takano had ordered and bought him another latte including a cake to try to get a smile out of him at least.

"So why have you been avoiding me? No half assef excuses either."

"I h-haven't-"

"Bollocks."

"Look, I've been busy I apologize for not spending time with you? But work has just been overbearing, it's been worst than usual and I am struggling with personal issues right now so please just drop it."

"Considering you had time to go out for dinner the other night with that woman-" Takano watched the way Ritsu froze giving him the 'how did you know' look. "You have plenty of time then, didn't you?"

"That was work"

"I'll bet-"

"How do you even know? Y-You're not stalking me are you?"

Takano nearly spat out his coffee. "The hell?! I was out myself with an author, I saw you and her head into a restaurant."

"Why are you so pissed off that I haven't been around? It's not as if.. You know.. We're close or anything.." Ritsu looked away out the window, his mood worsened seeing the small droplets land on the glass and it didn't take long for down pour to arrive.

"Because I like spending time with you, so sue me for enjoying myself geez." He muttered beneath his cup.

Pursing his lips Ritsu hated his current kindness and that according to Takano he liked being around him. It was true, he felt the same but knowing he was his ex-boyfriend hurt. It did have him wondering just what he would say if he found out who he really was. It seemed as if he had never forgotten, if he remembered the library scenario then he would know that he once dated someone who was trans.

They could be friends, the pair of them could make it work they didn't have to sleep together to be pals. He gave up, as it seemed he was unable to outrun this guy.

"How have you been Takano-san?"

Perking up at the spark of conversation Masamune placed down his cup and amenably grinned.

"I'm well, Onodera?"

"Likewise-" He snapped.

"Would you like another drink?"

* * *

It was hopeless since Ritsu was easily whisked away by him. They chatted for hours, somehow they ended up going to a movie theater and winding back at Ritsu's place after Takano grabbed a six pack from the convenience store on the corner.

"Are you sure it's okay to be downing alcohol Takano-san? You have work tomorrow,"

He shrugged carelessly. "I've felt worse before today, one drink won't hurt, just help yourself."

"I'll have one-"

"Can you not hold your liquor well?"

"Y-Yes I can I'll have you know! I have work in the morning and I want to present myself well unlike yourself!"

"I could do with going into work cheerful for a change,"

"Y-You could get into trouble-"

"Pfft, as if Isaka would give a rat's ass, I mean as long as I get the job done eventually then it shouldn't matter and I know for a fact he drinks in his office anyway."

"You're setting a bad example," Ritsu whined.

"I can guarantee you the whole office would join in if they could." Takano chuckled at Ritsu's horrified expression. "You're such a little apple polisher Onodera, you know I prefer it being the two of us."

The younger man's heart raced in his chest and butterflies fluttered in his gut uncontrollably. "I see"

"Your place however is kind of a wreck," He said while looking around. "I wasn't going to say anything at first but it's best to be honest."

"O-Oi! Don't just say that type of thing when you're in someone's home!"

"Oh yeah, let me guess you were _busy_."

"Yes.." He grumbled as he didn't take too kindly to Takano's tone much.

"So you too were scouting around on online dating websites, I didn't think you were the type to do that sort of thing." He said taking another mouthful.

"I-I wanted to see what they were like since everyone talks about them at work-" Even though they didn't, he was certain Takano could see past that though.

"You know," Takano sighed. "When we first met, I was kinda sure we knew each other because you remind me of someone, like a lot."

"Eh?"

Now this was interesting.

"There was this guy, we were close in school but we went away suddenly-"

_"No, please don't bring this up."_

"Remember me telling you about that stalker in the library? Well, I didn't even get to say goodbye, by the way you're not uncomfortable where this is heading right? I mean, your clearly stated what you were looking for online so I am only assuming you're into guys too?"

Ritsu's cheeks were on fire but he proceeded to nod his head.

"Actually, forget it."

_"He's giving up that easily?"_

"You just remind me of him, sorry."

"Did-" He couldn't believe that he was about to ask this but he wanted to know with such need it hurt. "Did you love him?"

Now even Takano thought on this for a good few minutes; Ritsu watched him pitifully play around with the near empty can in his hands and tug off its top.

"He wasn't the first person I have dated, but I can assure you he was my first love."

Looking back to Ritsu he snickered a laugh. "Stupid, right?"

No it was not stupid at all, it was practically ridiculous but a good ridiculous. Ritsu's hands were shaking, he had to put down his drink before he spilled it all over the show. His eyes were stinging with tears, he knew he would begin to cry if he didn't bail now. Standing up he muttered how he was just going to the toilet and wouldn't be too long because after all they had guzzled down drinks all day.

Sitting there on the toilet Ritsu wiped at the tears in his eyes; the last time he felt so overwhelmed and dazed like this was when he was that love-sick fifteen year old boy. Now there he was, crying over the same person. It didn't help at all, Ritsu didn't know if Takano had feelings for him still, but he had loved him whether a part of him still did was questionable. He wanted to run at him now, forget everything and just run into his arms so they could pick up from where they'd left off.

His eyes were still puffy and red when he returned to the living room. Takano noticed straightaway otherwise he wouldn't have asked "Onodera, what's wrong?"

"N-Nothing,"

"I know there is so don't lie," He said sternly. "Are you not feeling well again?"

Lying, it would be wise to tell him now.

"I-I-"

"Onodera"

Two large arms snaked around his quivering form holding him tightly while he cried. Ritsu hid away at first, scared, but until Takano leaned further inwards and the embrace tensed he managed to get the younger man calmer. As he nuzzled into his chest it alarmed Ritsu knowing just how much Takano had grown in comparison to himself who hadn't spouted a lot since school.

Leisurely Ritsu pulled away as he did he felt Takano perch a hand under his chin and tilt his head backwards to have a better view of those large watery green eyes. He smirked sweetly then draped his thumb underneath Ritsu's bottom lip.

The small gap between them closed and their lips shortly met. Takano was the first to take initiative just like he had been back then. Always the first to make the move, Ritsu would follow as usual.

His lips were soft, slightly chapped but loving. They were perfect, utterly amazing. The kiss deepened, Ritsu enjoyed how it was so adoring, the last time he had asked to use his tongue but this was better. His tongue came not long after, prodding into his lips and swaying with his own. Ritsu explored his own mouth, tasting the bitter-sweet mixture of coffee and alcohol.

Large masculine hands traveled down Ritsu's sides and underneath his shirt but it was too late because Takano had already felt his binder.

"Hey.. Onodera.." He whispered against his lips.

Ritsu was petrified, he couldn't even get the words out of his mouth.

"What is that?"

"W-What?" He asked sounding stupid.

"Underneath your shirt, it feels like-"

"N-Nothing? I don't know what you're talkin- ST-STOP!"

Takano dragged him right back into his grip; hands roaming under his top and rummaged along the binder. Then quickly began to feel up Ritsu's front who pleaded and begged him to stop as he tried hard to push him off.

"S-Stop! Takano-san stoppit!" Ritsu screamed at the top of his lungs. "G-Get the hell away from me!"

He didn't need anymore information because this was definitely the icing on the cake. A very hurt expression plastered on the older man's face, he jumped back from Ritsu like he'd touched a blazing flame.

"You _knew_ didn't you"

The growl in Takano's voice made him flinch.

"I-I can explain.."

"No, save it."

Takano stormed over to the sofa collecting his jacket and made his way to the door. Ritsu tugged on his sleeve but was shoved off him.

"You.. I.. I can't.." was all Ritsu muttered, too lost for anything to properly say.

"Why didn't you just tell me? All you do is lie."

"What was I supposed to do?" Ritsu's voice shook. "I was afraid, I'm sorry."

"Just give me some time, okay?"

"O-Okay.."

That was the last time he spoke to Takano for at least six months. The two saw one another whether it was at the station, at Lawsons on the corner or the library. Onodera wanted to speak, he wanted to say anything even if it was about the weather or work but Takano-san needed space.

_"After all, wasn't I the one ignoring him a few months back?"_ He thought miserably.

Now he knew how it felt to be neglected or was it the worst of the worsts; was Takano-san rejecting him? Maybe so, Ritsu didn't blame him though.

_"He doesn't need me, I was stupid enough to let him in again."_

After finishing work one evening he grabbed a quick bento meal for dinner, same old, same old and traveled home. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the tall dark figure sat outside his door.

As much as he wanted to rejoice and start asking questions Ritsu decided to keep it neutral and gave a simple "Good evening" to him.

Takano didn't look at him as he pulled himself up from the door. He tucked his hands deep into his pockets and walked around Ritsu for him to be able to get inside his apartment but obviously he wanted to talk.

"I've been thinking-" He started.

"Hm?"

"About you, I've thought about you everyday for the past.. fuck knows how many months now-" sighing he looked Ritsu in the eyes. "Can we talk? If you haven't got time then-"

"Yes!"

Both were startled at just how demanding he sounded but it was an improvement at least. "Yes.. Takano-san please talk, I want to talk a-about everything-"

Shifting around on edge Takano gestured to both the doors. "Yours or mine?"

Ritsu looked down at the plastic bag in his hand then to Takano who was patiently waiting. "Yours.."

Screw it, dinner could wait.


End file.
